I am politically challenged. My eyes glaze over at the sight of a candidate on the TV screen. Before an election, I always need to go to the "election for dummies" websites to find out about the people I'm supposed to vote for. To me, politics are as interesting as dryer lint.
But now I find myself smack in the middle of a political catastrophe. The county budget proposal has cut my library's funding. Completely. $2 million plus, boom, gone, just because the incoming democrats promised not to raise taxes. Weeping and gnashing of teeth all around me. And suddenly, I find myself writing a letter to a politician. And wondering what else I can do to effect a change.
Just the other day I was thinking about my job, and how I could be doing the same thing for another 10 or 15 years. I think of work always being there, just like I trust that my car will always start when I turn the key, or that a light will go on when I flip the switch. Now, there's a very real prospect, if the community fails to convince the powers that be that a local public library is crucial, that my place of employment will close its doors. Just when I was starting to feel a part of it, a valued member of the staff, no longer the newbie. My coworkers and I are all walking around a little bit stunned, not knowing whether to trust that our patrons will protest enough to change the commissioners' minds, or update our resumes.
I do not relish the thought of job searching, now that I'm just on the downhill side of 50. It only took me two weeks to get this job, but I came from a library and sent resumes only to libraries, and just happened to hit the right place at the right time. Do I really want to risk this happening to me again? And how many of my coworkers would I be competing against? I know, in this day and age, no job is truly secure. But I tend to think that a non-government job might be a little safer--and probably pay more.
I went through all this just a little over a year ago--trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. Thinking about what kind of job I'd be able to get with my limited education. Wondering if a 9 to 5 office job would be stimulating enough. Worrying that I would get stuck somewhere where my creativity and imagination would not be valued or needed.
Where else can I go where I can do things like building a giant board game? Where I can spend an afternoon looking at craft books and dreaming up projects and programs? Where I am routinely challenged to come up with new ideas? What other job can I get where children light up when they see me, like when I'm sitting in the back of the bookmobile, ready to read to them? Where else can I share my love of reading by recommending my favorite kids' books?
Tonight at work I was straightening shelves and thinking about little maintenance projects that needed to be done to the collection. Then I wondered if it really mattered, if we are merely trying to bail out a sinking ship. I could believe the evil voices whispering in my ear, or I could have faith that right will prevail, and continue to walk through the doors every day with the same optimistic spirit and sense of fun and adventure that I always do. I don't want this heavy spirit weighing me down at Christmastime. I want to keep thinking up new things to do for and with the kids. I want to expect to be visiting the elementary schools in the spring, getting kids jazzed for our summer reading program. I want to look forward to getting my 5-year thank-you trinket from the library director.
And so I shall. Forget the what-ifs, Satan.
But I'm still updating my resume.
